9/11
i dreamt i was at a school
like a high school
maybe my own
it was a sort of uncomfortable school dream
where i didn't fit in and
i was confused slightly
i was in the lunch line with my brother
and we were getting food
he was mad at me for some reason
(in real life i owe him money)
in the dream he was really mad
to the point where i started
getting very upset and angry
and i awoke with my heart pounding
and my breathing very hard
my beeper was going off
a lot
i went down to shut it off and it had three messages from james
carrier
it was 9:15 am
i turned on my answering machine and my brother had just left a
message
he said it in a completely robotic voice:
"don't go to the world trade center towers....ever"
as i was listening to that i was calling james on the recall button
on the phone
he had called five times on my caller i.d.
as the phone rang i started to hear james' messages
"paul pick up the phone, turn on the...."
james picked up
"Paul do you know what's going on?!"
"What?"
"I'm very nervous, turn on the TV!"
i turned on the tv and all that was there was blue
i tried all of the channels and blue
"james i am not getting a tv signal"
i turned on my npr fm station and static only
"james i am not getting npr"
i switched to am
"paul the world trade center buildings have been hit by airplanes"
i could hear the reports coming in on the radio at the same time
"i am very nervous"
are you ok
yes
james was at 47th and sixth
in morgan stanley
the answering machine messages from him were still playing
"get up paul-pick up the phone"
i found the uhf station 25 was broadcasting fox and i could see a
live picture of the world trade center buildings on fire
the second plane had hit moments ago
i went to my window on the sixth floor of the yale lock factory
building and looked out over long island sound
the world trade center buildings were on fire billowing smoke
like two active volcanoes
the smoke was just mushrooming above them now and getting
grayer from black
"james"
"yeah"
"i can see the smoke and fire from my window the fucking twin
towers are on fire"
"i gotta go i am getting another call'
"call me back within fifteen minutes"
as i looked out the smoke was getting higher and starting to drift
towards long island
i couldn't think about one thing
only everything
i called jonee eisen
his phone went to message
i called again
and again
and again
"what"
"We are at war turn on your t.v. right now"
"what do you mean"
"i am very serious go to your t.v. right now hurry i am not kidding"
"ok ok i'm going, what channel?"
"it won't matter"
"ok i am in front of the tv...Jesus Christ the world trade center is
on fire!"
"yeah two planes have just crashed into them-we are at war"
"Jesus they just showed footage of the second plane hitting the
tower"
"Jon, I can see it from my window"
"Jesus"
"it is fucking real"
as jon and i talked i started to think about what could happen-but
couldn't come to any conclusions- i went to my clothing storage
containers and dumped one out
the containers are about two by two by three feet plastic boxes
with a lid
i dumped one out and put all of my photobooth pictures in it-then
half of my film negatives - some photographs and some music
adats
along with that i put a change of clothes long sleeve shirt and
jeans underwear and socks and a jacket
it was about 10am
"jon i am going to bring some of my artwork to another
location-my aunts house in pound ridge"
i was still only wearing my underwear at this point
"the fucking world trade center just fell down"
my tv did not have this image yet
the radio was just announcing it as i went back to the window to
see a large new mushroom cloud of smoke rising from where
the twin towers were-i could no longer see any distinct
towers-just the smoke
i was getting another call
"hey paul its james"
"james are you ok?"
"yeah i don't know what to do"
"yeah me neither-i am going to my aunt's to bring some of my art
and split up where it is"
"ok i am going to call moby"
"ok call me later and EMAIL me because if i cant get to a phone
or if something weird happens i will get to an email machine"
"ok"
"jonee that was james-beep-can you hold on Nathan Carter is
calling me-Nathan where are you?"
"Hi paul yates, i am in stamford and it think i am stuck"
"where are you?"
"i am on my way to the train station but i think i might not be able
to get back to the city"
"ok if you are stuck i will pick you up at the stamford train station
-i will leave in five minutes if i don't hear from you-is that cool?"
"good paul yates"
"jonee-nathan just called he is in stamford, stuck i am going to
get him"
"the second word trade center fell down i think"
"i cant see that"
"they just showed it"
"you gotta be fucking kidding me"
"it did"
out of my window was the same smoke now with an arm over
long island
i started getting dressed and put my video camera in my pile of
stuff and a multi purpose knife
"jonee-i am going to get nathan at the train station and i will
come back here and call you then"
"ok"
i went down to my car only bringing my back pack not my art
thinking that i will be right back
i drove to the bank and got 100 dollars out cash
it was open and fine
the event hadn't really hit stamford yet
when i got out of the bank a cop was giving a ticket to a car that
had an expired meter
i drove to the train station and there were a lot of cars there but
not a run
people were parked wrong and i couldn't see nathan
a woman in an suv stopped in front of me so that i had to back
up to get further
she saw her husband and got out of her car to hug him
and cried
then i saw nathan
he ran to my car and jumped in
"nathan i have to do some things are you with me today?"
"yeah i don't think i am going to get back to the city you should
see what's going on inside the train station."
i told nathan of my money getting and my plans to go get black
and white film for my cameras and some mini dv video tapes-he
thought it was a good idea to get money for himself
so we drove to the bank.
now there were about a dozen people in line to get cash
it was only about 10:30am
but the waves of confusion were hitting stamford
i kept the car on and the radio on
descriptions of the buildings collapsing and the pentagon being
hit by another plane
nathan came out and we went to the gas station
"cash only"
"really?"
"yep, the credit card machine isn't working"
i was surprised he didn't ask for gold or jewelry to pay for the gas
i filled up and we drove to the photo store
as we pulled in a fat woman in a cadillac was driving out of the
parking lot crying
nathan and i looked at each other-we understood
i went into the photo store and left the car on with nathan in
the credit card machine was working there funny enough
we then drove back to my apt to look at the smoking skyline of
NYC and to get my art
i called james and jonee pizany again as nathan sat watching
me finish packing my box of art
i called my aunt to tell her that i was coming with nathan and that
he was a good guy and taught at uconn and graduated from
yale...
"Paul i don't care-i trust who your bringing-just come."
nathan and i packed the car with my art
my video camera and some clothes
i had given nathan a jacket just in case he was out late and
unable to find a place to stay if he left me
as we drove through downtown stamford the full effect of the
attack was hitting
the mall was being evacuated by police no one else was on the
street
we went to a bagel store to get bagels with tofu cream cheese
the store was empty-and they seemed to not know if they were
going to close or not
it felt exactly like a snow storm or hurricane without the weather
we ate there with their radio blasting more info
another plane had crashed into camp david
and one had crashed in pennsylvania
an emt worker described how when he was in the world trade
center he saw people falling by the windows and how when he
got out he saw their bodies and they looked like they had "melted
into the ground"
another building worker described how his friend came out of
the elevator just after the first crash
he was burned and the worker tried to help him up but as he put
his arm around him the man's skin slid right off of him.
we then drove to pound ridge, ny-my aunt's house
my cousin josh was already there, my uncle marty was on his
way back from the bronx, adam was on his way from stamford
via his house with his wife nancy and my uncle jeff was going to
be picked up from my mother's grave site in norwalk, ct. an odd
meeting point.
my aunt picked some flowers from her garden and asked if i
wanted to pick one for the grave site
i did
my grandmother is also buried there
nathan and i looked at the pumpkin plants that my aunt and i are
growing
they were coming along nicely
my cousin adam and wife arrived
we all sat in front of the tv with some lemonade
the buildings fell and were smashed into
a horrifically beautiful image of smoke coming around the corner
of a building as a result of the wtc collapse
it was like sideways waterfall in slow motion
with the scale skewed
the world was different.
i checked my email
email the new contact medium perfect for a situation like this
tarquin had emailed me
he was on a train slowly moving out of nyc he had just gotten on
and was stalled just after 125th street
and could i pick him up anywhere
i emailed him back that i would and was with nathan
then went back to watch more tv with the family until tarquin
responded
josh made a joke about towel seeking missiles
i said that it would be almost too frustrating for america if this
were the work of twenty timothy mcveighs
i went back to the kitchen to the computer and tarquin had
responded
could we pick him up now in new rochelle and take him to
bridgeport so he could practice with the zambonis
i said we would be there as soon as we could
so we got ready to leave
i wrote on the box of my art
"Paul Yates' art-Return after war!"
my family all hugged me and my aunt walked us to the car
and kissed me good bye
"Be careful."
nathan and i drove on the merritt parkway
the whole time listening to the radio
no one was on the road
it was about four thirty pm when we arrived at tarquin's girlfriends
in new rochelle
nathan and i went in and tarquin's girlfriend and two of her
girlfriends were on the couch
sunk low
and eyes glued to the tv but with a serious note of depression
they didn't seem to notice nathan and me
we took tarquin away
now on the merritt parkway it was five thirty
no traffic
"Hey- let's all join the Navy right now!"
nathan seemed interested in my declaration
tarquin was hesitant
"Well...I don't think this is a time where we should go to war..."
"Tarquin I was just making a declaration of
comraderie...relax...and JOIN THE NAVY with us!! C'mon!"
He let it go and we got to Peter's.
All of the tvs were on and the rest of the band was upstairs
practicing.
We all said hello-and realized we were all safe.
I left without saying goodbye to go back to my aunts house.
It was dark when I got there.
Only Josh, Joann, and Marty were there now.
No plane had crashed into camp david.
Just two into the world trade center.
One into the pentagon-which was very secondary.
and one plane on the ground in Pennsylvania.
we sat and watched tv for a couple of hours and I went home.
out of my window i could see a glowing orange light from where
the world trade center should be.
I kept picturing an atomic explosion coming from new york city
this made my heart race
i couldn't fall asleep for a while
i prayed and prayed
and haven't slept well since
i needed to go to the silver lake film festival in los angeles
and thought i might drive but
spirit airlines said they would start flying sunday
with no food served on the plane and no carry on luggage
i had made a reservation on the monday before
and it was still valid for some reason so
the following sunday
after seeing an almost empty la guardia airport populated mostly
with police officers with shotguns
at seven fifteen in the morning
we took off
a two thirds full plane
we flew over manhattan
and could see with our own eyes a view that had not even been
seen on tv yet
from above we saw the crater where the world trade center once
stood
the entire plane began to weep
even the engines
after
for the first time in my life
i fell asleep on a plane
i am in la now
jonee and i went dancing tonight
some l.a. eighties rock songs came on
sweet child of mine
and
girls girls girls
and i realized just how insignificant l.a. and l.a. culture is now
and mostly always has been
i dreamt last night that i was in an airport
waiting for jessica
i had put some food into a hand basket
a jar of chocolate covered almonds and some vegan food
i was waiting for jess to come back so she could see what i had
selected and buy it with me
the plane was taking off and i was on it
i was a little disconcerted that jess wasn't there but we had taken
off
jonee was on the plane too
all of a sudden the plane made a sharp turn to the right
i had to hold onto the seat so that i wouldn't be thrown to the left
of the plane
my heart was racing
i looked out and saw that we were flying at rooftop level
the city looked like vienna
i was nervous
were we going to crash
we descended
we were going to land on the main street
we went under power lines
the street was mostly empty but just as we were about to land
a gas tanker truck pulled into the street
if we stopped in time we wouldn't hit it
a bicyclist fell off of his bike in front of the plane as we came
toward him
we stopped
the left plane doors opened and every one got out
i spoke with jonee as i still sat in the plane
i said i would never fly again
and i would probably sue
i wanted to take a train back to america
i thought however that i didn't pay for the food
i awoke
it is 103 degrees in insignificant los angeles on the 29th of
september
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